1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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