i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
