Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
