I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
