It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
