she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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