When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
