why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
