Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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