Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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