I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
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