I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
He felt like a one man threesome
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Success! We fucked roommates!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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