So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
