Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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