Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
