well I can't set my house on fire every night
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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