Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
