We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want nice things and good sex
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize