After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
In other news, I just burned my penis
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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