i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
