was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
