so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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