My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
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I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
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He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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