THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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