I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
