I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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