I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
