The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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