How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
