Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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