We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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