So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize