My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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