I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
