he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm sobbing to NWA
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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