dude i'm inner monologue high
I met the friendliest cop last night
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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