I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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