Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
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ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
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I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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