Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
