You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
