nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
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