this beer tastes like vomit already
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
