I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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