I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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