i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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