Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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