The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
