...so i touched it.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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