she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
