i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
