Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
