I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
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My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
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If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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