I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
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i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
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This is classic penis vs brain.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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