Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
