Rock
Scissors
Fuck
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Randomize
