i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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