so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
