i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
