So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
