I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
