last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
