I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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