so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
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I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
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so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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