I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
