can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize