I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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